Finals Distractions...

So, it is finals week and in classic Caty fashion I was rocking out to my iPod on the UFO (really not as weird as it sounds =]) while typing away. After about oh twelve hours straight I got sick of working on my homework and trying to make numbers that shouldn’t add up, well add up, so I fired up my desktop for…well, I wasn’t really sure. Just a distraction. It turned out to be a trip down memory lane as I started sifting through pictures I didn’t know I still had.

As unplanned and awkward as it was it was easier and yet harder than I thought it was going to be. The years and relationships of my life are contained in thousands of pictures on that computer. To be honest, I didn’t want to dredge up a lot of these memories, but once I started it was a lot like driving past a car accident and not being able to help but look.

Pictures of the best friend tragically taken from us in junior high—the first funeral my parents allowed me to attend (I was 12). It was hard. It was followed a few years later by the loss of a grandma and a great-grandma two months apart and then a year later the loss of a cousin. He was too good to be here longer than the month he was here with his family.

Then there are friends. Inseparable as always. Football, basketball games… “The Fluffy”. Craziness that occurred in the sport court that shouldn’t be spoken of because it would reveal too much weirdness, but they made me laugh hysterically. Musicals. Seminary. School dances—senior dinner dance and chocolate milk as mousse and having to dry clean all of our outfits (totally worth it). Night before graduation trip to Wendy’s to celebrate.

Family. I love my family!! Christmas’, Easter, births (even early ones that were scary but beautiful in the end) birthdays, Cob Fest at the cabin…just being at the cabin (good times had by all and if you were there then you know exactly what I am talking about!)…and other random things (Walmart). I could write a book about our adventures, well more like a series. But we are going to save that for another day. =]

College. I love college. Jello slides, hiking, 1st dam, football, basketball, dates, friends (whom I miss dearly!), relationships…ones you thought were wonderful and honest and would last, but they weren’t and they didn’t…none of that matters now other than the fact that they have made me who I am today.

While I was looking through some of the pictures a song came on that oddly and yet not so oddly brought peace. It is about moving on after a romantic relationship (been there done that) but I feel the chorus by itself can fit just about any scenario—good times and bad. If you haven’t heard the song I recommend you do, but I couldn’t help but include the lyrics here for you to read.

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna let it
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Life is funny sometimes. It really knows how to kick me when I am down, but for all of that I get up stronger every time. And I am a better person because of it. I think that is what I got most out of this little trip down memory lane. I know some of you can relate, because you have been there with me, but it still hurts sometimes (like now), but not as bad as it did in the moment. I can look back on the good and bad memories and smile, because there was always a silver lining hidden within the hard times. The grief and hurt often hid it from our view, but once the healing has begun, that’s when the answers come.

“Thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals too. It'll all get better in time. And even though I really love you. I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time…”